


Weighted Warmth

by Fayth_Delarosa



Series: Reylo Love [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Dry Humping, Engagement, Epilogue, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Happy Ending, I have no shame, Oral Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Prompt Fic, Rey Needs A Hug, Secret Santa, Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Twitter Prompt, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Well There Is Some Plot, and bone, secret santa isn't so bad after all, there is also a couch, they totally hug, weighted blankets are also not too bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:20:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22781647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fayth_Delarosa/pseuds/Fayth_Delarosa
Summary: This was a mistake, a huge one.Maybe she could turn back now.But something keeps her rooted in place, and she hugs the precious parcel closer to her body, dreading the moment ahead of her.Secret. Fucking. Santa.Based on the following prompt found here: https://twitter.com/selen1te/status/1210042815419420677Someone write an office AU where Rey gets grumpy Ben Solo a weighted blanket for the company secret Santa gift exchange and his demeanor changes after the holidays and he’s less grumpy and more soft
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Reylo Love [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1576996
Comments: 92
Kudos: 608
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	1. Surprises

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Selenite_x](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selenite_x/gifts).



The beat of music from within the event hall could be heard clearly from the outside; even behind closed doors. It was some sort of weird Hip-Hop remix; an amalgamation of different top 90’s music that really did _not_ mesh well. It was a chilly day, the 23rd to be precise, and people were crowding the streets, even though it was a Wednesday night of all things.

The brisk air began to pick up in intensity and Rey huddled the bag closer to herself; though she knew it was more nerves than the actual cold that was causing it and for the twentieth time today she thinks about just turning around and going home. “Bloody hell,” she mutters, more to herself, her feet still rooted firmly in place and refusing to follow her brain that wanted them to _move_.

If there was anyone that she could blame for all of this. It was Poe.

Poe goddamn Dameron.

Rey doesn’t want to be here. Hell, she would rather be a million other places then be here. She somehow managed to miss out on the annual Christmas party for two years straight. She had only gone the first year because she was new and naïve. But this year she was literally cornered in the office by both Poe and Finn combined; each one alternating the good cop and bad cop routine until she caved in and sent the email to Human Resources to RSVP for the Holiday Party; under their watchful eyes, _of course._

She has to hand it to the company though, it looks like one swanky place from the outside. Then again, a company as big and as well-known as Resistance Security Inc. should be able to easily afford the best of the best.

It wasn’t always the case though, when she first started out as an administrative assistant, it was a great deal smaller and fully dedicated to tech security. But as the years rolled by, and she herself moved from one position to the other, the company grew in size and also in services that it provided. A lot of it was attributed to its CEO Leah Organa; but is also attributed it to the company CFO…

Another wind brushed by her and she shivers, reminding her that standing outside in Times Square at 8:00pm in 15 degree weather was probably not the smartest idea.

And so, against the protests ringing in her head, she reaches out and opens the door.

* * *

“Rey!”

Rey turns at the sound of her name being shouted just in time to catch the familiar sight of Finn and Rose making their way towards her. Finn looks especially handsome in his navy blue tux that was tailored well for his body and a light grey dress shirt while Rose looks stunning in her two tone corded lace off-the-shoulder gown that clings to her figure up to mid-thigh where it flares out slightly to match the flared bell sleeves.

Rey begins to feel her low self-conscious creep up in comparison. She’s wearing a metallic silver one shoulder neckline Maxi Dress that is pleated at the bodice with a thick, black leather belt cinching and extenuating her small waist, ruffle detailing on her shoulder, and a slit that ran up dangerously high to her upper thigh. One wrong move and she could easily pull a panty shot, which she dreaded ever since Finn made her buy the dress a week ago.

It wasn’t that Rey hates her body, of course not.

She just doesn’t see her body as sexy.

Two separate things.

Rey has a thin frame with only the slightest curves and a rounded ass. Her boobs aren’t that much better either; she is barely at a B cup at best. Her skin is tanned with freckles smattering all across her face; far from the pale and flawless women that are working with the company. It makes it difficult _not_ to compare herself to others like Rose or Jessica; who seem way more developed in comparison.

“Helloo?? Earth to Rey?” Rose called out while waving a hand in front of her face.

“Huh?”

“Jeez, Rey. We were asking if that was the gift that you have in your hands.”

Oh. “Yeah,” she replies, holding the bag closer to her.

“So, what did you get for the resident tyrant?” Finn asks in amusement.

“It’s a _secret Santa,_ Finn. I’m not going to say what I got.” She huffs out in response.

Finn and Rose both laugh in amusement. “Well you kinda ruined the Secret part when you told us _who_ you got,” Rose teases back.

Rey sticks her tongue out as a reply; which only makes the two laugh louder at her antics. Of course, this is the thing she dreads the most.

Secret fucking Santa.

She doesn’t remember if it was a thing that happened when she did go to that Christmas party that one time. Maybe it is new, or maybe it started during the last two years where she was able to successfully evade the party altogether.

Whatever it is, she hates it.

At first it seemed harmless enough; the gift had to be 50 dollars in value and something ‘safe’, so no sex toys or things that could easily lead to some harassment complaint to HR; no other rules or guidelines. Rey figured she would get any one of the 100 employees save for the top of the top as they didn’t usually get involved in those things. When she received the email from Poe, who also happened to be the coordinator of this unholy event, she froze in place and felt all the color drain from her completely.

_Your Secret Santa is Ben Solo._

Rey probably read that email over at least 20 times over before going to Poe, hoping against all hope that there was some mistake. He shook his head and assured her that it was very much real.

And she is _oh so very_ _much_ screwed.

“Rey!” Rose yells again, snapping her out of her thoughts.

“Sorry what?”

“I said you can go put the gift on the table at the corner before anyone sees.”

“Oh yeah, okay.” Rey nods, making her way over to the table to quickly deposit the gift bag at the back, hiding it behind bigger and more expensive looking bags and wrapped boxes, before making her way back to her friends.

It’s going to be a long night.

* * *

The offensive music bares in his ears to levels that could very likely make him go deaf and, by God, he is ready to murder someone. A sharp elbow to his side causes him to turn towards the source and glare angrily at his friend and associate, Poe.

“Come on, lighten up there, Solo!” Poe grins.

“Fuck off,” Ben mutters in reply.

“What?” Poe asks loudly, unable to hear Ben from the ear-splitting levels of hip-hip and pop vibrating throughout the club.

Ben chooses not to entertain him with a reply, and simply glowers over the entirety of the situation. He did not plan to be here tonight; he has a million other things that he would gladly do. Hell, he even considered having dinner with his father as an option and if that isn’t an indication about how much he hates this situation then he doesn’t know what is.

Of course it is Poe’s fucking fault. He practically cornered and pestered Ben for weeks until he finally relented and angrily typed up the RSVP email; the keyboard making a slightly concerning creaking sound as he did so. His mother was happy, of course. She had been pressing him about the party since last year when he declared that he no longer wanted to come to these ridiculous charades. He refused to be paraded around like a puppet for her advantage. _And yet here you are_ , his mind whispers. And he knows exactly why.

Fuck it, he’ll just be the nastiest version of himself he can be. Maybe then he’ll be permanently banned from these stupid parties once and for all.

* * *

“We appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you for being the backbone of this company. We would not be here were it not for the work and dedication that you all show every single day and I am honored that you continue to work for this company. Here’s to another year for Resistance Security.”

A round of cheers sound throughout the entire event hall. Rey herself holds up the champagne glass in the air briefly before bringing it to her lips and taking a small sip, savoring the slightly sour liquid. Rey admires Leah Organa greatly; she is brilliant at what she does and holds a dignified air about her that never seems imposing or pretentious. Somehow, despite having one hundred employees, Leah always does her best to remember everyone and it was Leah that finally convinced Rey to return for her Master’s in Business Administration and afterwards apply for a position as a Product Manager.

Unfortunately with all the great pay and benefits of the job it also means that she is in constant communication with the CFO, Ben Solo.

But that was a whole other story.

Finn and Rose were no longer with her, Finn having taken his spot next to Poe while Rose was chasing behind the guy in IT that she has been gushing over for the past three months; but Rey doesn’t mind, and instead makes her way over to a corner, trying to remain as unassuming as possible, nursing the drink in her hand.

Her gaze ran over the crowd once more. The event hall was very lively. Well, technically it was a nightclub as Finn politely pointed out but somehow that label next to the name Resistance Security Inc. seemed to be at such odds that she just opted to continue calling it an event hall. There were various disco balls throughout the room, catching and refracting the multi-colored strobe lights that made random patterns on the walls and floors. There was a DJ booth all the way at the far end of the club, where the DJ was remixing various different songs from the 2000s. Right in front of the booth was the dance floor, where several employees where already there dancing alongside either family members that they brought with them or co-workers. At the sides of the dance floor there were some glowing square tables and booth seating set up where some people were already sitting, clearly exhausted from their earlier dancing. Towards the front where the main doors where, at one side there was an impressive bar and the dour bartenders had their hands full with catering to what had to be at least twenty different people crowding around the counter. At the other end stood a long table with food lined up, all being warmed by food warming wicks.

Normally, Rey would totally be crowding that buffet table. But her stomach was doing some weird flips and she didn’t want to risk catastrophe via projectile vomiting. As her eyes continued to scan they honed in on familiar brown eyes…

Staring right at her.

 _Shit_. She feels a blush starting and quickly looks away. It wasn’t that she doesn’t like Ben Solo.

Quite the opposite, actually.

She really, _really_ , likes him.

He wasn’t the traditional hot type, not that Rey minds, since to her he is pure perfection. His nose and ears are a bit big and prominent but, holy Jesus, he is a man. Strong broad shoulders, and a fit frame to match which convinces her that he has to be hitting the Gym at least five days a week. Soft, full, black hair that runs to his shoulders that Rey personally would love to run her fingers through. His face is sharp with a strong jaw and little beauty marks sprinkled throughout. And his lips…

Rey wonders, possibly a bit too much, how it would feel on top of hers.

She felt her face flush even more and stomped down on all the heated thoughts she had for her – technically – boss. But it was useless, and she knew it. Rey has been fighting against this almost overwhelming attraction to him ever since she could remember. Possibly ever since he first started with the company, which was shortly before that first Christmas party that she attended.

She hadn’t known why he joined the company so late in his life until Poe confided with her that he was actually in a rival company before. Apparently, he worked under Snoke at First Order Security Inc. and was a thorn at Leah’s side for a long while; but a sudden illness and near-death scare from his father somehow sent Ben on the straight and narrow again and he stopped his shady dealings with First Order and came to work for Leah.

Rey winced as she glanced down at her drink; even now though, Ben was insufferable on most days, and cold and detached on others. At first she thought that the rumors were over exaggerated, it couldn’t be possible that he caused an employee to quit the first hour of their first day on the job. But boy was she proven wrong. He had a glare that could freeze over hell if he wanted to, which was such a contradiction to those warm brown eyes. It didn’t help that he was a veritable giant that could easily overshadow and intimidate pretty much anyone he wanted. And ever since she took up her new position it seemed like his level of douchebaggary kicked up to an eleven; which helped to stifle some of the attraction because, clearly, he was _not_ interested in her. But she had noticed little cues that he gave in certain situations that she was sure he himself didn’t notice. They were similar to things that she used to show until she had a fair amount of therapy and implemented a few different strategies to work through it– still work through it. 

Which is probably what fueled her decision on her gift.

 _Fuck_ , she really hoped this wasn’t a huge mistake.

She knocked back the rest of her drink, almost choking in her haste, and prepared herself for the night to come.

* * *

_There she was_.

Ben Solo prided himself on a lot of things. He is ruthless when he has to be, he is efficient at his job, he knows how to work the ins and outs of funding, he knows what to say in order to keep the stakeholders happy, and he never, _never_ , socialized or formed any meaningful relationships around with any of his co-workers or employees aside from Poe. He simply had no desire to, and it would only hinder his work.

That is, until Rey. Fucking. Johnson. tripped right into his life.

Literally, tripped right in.

His first day on the job he was on his way down the corridor, looking down at some new reports, when the small and petite woman literally barreled straight into him. She fell with a thud, and he scowled at the papers littered all across the floor. He opened his mouth ready to give out a verbal lashing because that was a one _million_ dollar proposal that now had to be rearranged until her gaze went up and his breath was sucked straight out of his lungs.

Soft, brown hair that tumbled past her shoulders, sun-kissed bronze skin with a smattering of freckles throughout, big chocolate brown eyes, and plump rosy lips that were parted as she gazed right at him.

She had apologized and quickly, and efficiently, gathered the scattered documents and separated them accordingly, passed his stack to him and made a hasty retreat before he had even said a word.

From there on, he was hooked.

The moment she took up the recently vacated position of Product Manager it spelled his ruin; as he was in nearly daily face to face contact with her, forced to watch her hips sway in those tight pencil skirts she favored and her perfect tits framed in a well fitted dress shirt. His particular favorite color combo was red and black, but whatever she wore he appreciated fully; as did his fucking dick.

Which brought him to tonight’s dilemma.

Thankfully, she had already turned her gaze away which allowed him all the time to openly stare, which was a fucking problem because that dress she wore, while not obscene, afforded him tantalizing views of her collarbone and the barest showing of her cleavage and that slit that ran up dangerously high and afforded him a peek of her upper thigh underneath it.

And just like every time he’s staring at her like a teenage virgin would stare at his first crush, his pants started to become uncomfortably tight. He shifted his stance and suppressed a small groan at the pleasurable friction the movement had caused.

“I’m not surviving tonight,” he muttered to himself, walking to take a seat well hidden from view and mentally praying that no one would notice his state for the rest of the night.

* * *

Rey did the best she could at being as unnoticeable as possible which, unlike how most things in her life go, it was fairly successful.

She managed to dodge away from dance requests and was surprisingly able to completely evade Matt, one of the IT guys, who had been subtly flirting with her for the past 3 months.

All in all, it was a surprising successful night, she mused, while she got into the cab that Finn called for her and settled the gift bags beside her.

_On her way out, Poe had stopped her and waved her over._

_“Yeah Poe? The cabs outside so I was on my wait out there now”_

_“Hold on,” he mumbled, pulling out bags from their spot on the table before handing them to her, “here.”_

_Her eyebrows shot up at the sight of not one, but two gift bags. “Uhh, Poe? Why is there two?”_

_He shrugged, “Not sure, maybe someone else was hoping to be your Secret Santa?”_

It had been such a surprise that she just received the bags and made her way straight out to the cab without even peeking inside.

Now, the innocent bags beside her seemed like the scariest thing in the world and she felt a weird churning sensation in her stomach. Rey had planned to wait until she made it home to look inside but…temptation was a bitch.

And so she peeked.

And she gasped.

* * *

_What in the absolute fuck_ , is the only thought that runs through Ben’s mind as he levels a glare at the contents of the bag, as if it had offended him in the worst possible way.

Which, it kind of has.

He had to stop and run a quick google search just to double _and_ triple confirm his suspicions on what the item was. And with that research it also brought to the forefront the supposed ‘benefits’ of such an item.

  * _Improves and Promotes Restful Sleep._
  * _Improves Focus._
  * _Reduces Anxiety._
  * _Calms Meltdowns._
  * _Eases Transition Times._


  1. Fucking. Weighted. Blanket.



_What in the absolute fuck?!_

Against his better judgement, he dipped his hand into the bag to pull out the item in question, held it briefly, and quickly tossed it as if it had just burned him. Clearly someone was making a mockery of him in that office.

Oh, Ben Solo was more than aware of the rumors and nicknames that circulated around him. That one rumor of how he had a new employee quit on the first day is his personal favorite. Not all of the claims were true, but it helped establish his power and dominance over those he worked with and he wasn’t about to do anything to diminish that.

But now….

Vengeance…pain…retribution… were the only things repeating themselves in his mind.

He most certainly _did not_ need the assistance of a special _blanket_ to ease him with his troubled sleep issue.

And how would that person have even _known_?

He spared a glance back at the item and where it landed, which was ironically right on top of his bed.

Suppressing an agitated groan, he went through the motions of his nighttime routine and found himself laying down on his expensive four poster king sized bed. The item still remained in a heap at the opposite end of the bed, continuing to mock him.

With a sigh he shuffled himself deeper into his black comforter and shut his eyes against the offensive item that stayed mere feet away.


	2. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things come to a head.
> 
> Literally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter!
> 
> I'm thinking I might add an epilogue to this? Idk, I guess it depends on what everyone else wants. 
> 
> So please comment and let me know!

“Solo’s been acting different these past three weeks…almost like a _decent_ human being.”

Rey glanced up at Finn who was staring over at the door across from Rey’s desk. “Yeah, yeah, he’s still an ass though,” she groused, though in truth he was really only being an ass to _her_.

And she didn’t get it!

The week after the Christmas party _everyone_ started talking about how Ben Solo’s attitude had been improving lately and how much more approachable he had become. He was apparently more easy going, less irritable, and even bothered to greet people in the mornings. He even apologized to an employee earlier today when said employee bumped into him.

But she couldn’t see it! Because he was still the same cold and distant jerk towards her. And that only led her to speculate that he probably just really does not like _her_ specifically which causes a strange sinking sensation in her stomach and feelings she’s really not ready to analyze right now.

“You okay there, peanut?” Finn asks, concern in his eyes.

“Yeah, sure.” She replies back absentmindedly, “I just have to finish these reports and submit them to Solo by the end of today so could you please?”

Finn understood her unfinished question and nodded, “Sure thing, see you at lunch?”

“Sure,” she lied, because she was positive that she would be working through lunch again today.

All because of Ben. Fucking. Solo.

* * *

Ben raked a hand through his hair as he finished going through yet another budgeting plan for the year. It has been three weeks since the Christmas Party. Three weeks since he received that blasted gift.

Three fucking weeks and he still does not know who sent it.

Not for lack of trying, of course.

He tried to subtly, which was not his forte, ask Poe about it. When that didn’t work, he started to be more direct about it. When _that_ didn’t work, he actually tried to go around Poe’s desk when he wasn’t there and see if he could find _something_ , maybe a list, maybe an email, anything that would let him know who that elusive Santa was.

Why? He honestly wasn’t sure.

Probably to put a face and name to the gift? Possible to…thank them? Morbid curiosity?

Either way, his query bore no fruit, and it was irritating him for reasons he could not comprehend.

Or maybe he could, he just doesn’t want to admit it.

Doesn’t want to admit that a very small part of him is hoping that the face and name he is subconsciously linking to the gift is actually true. That a soft, tanned, face framed by brown waves of hair, expressive hazel eyes, constellations of freckles over a delicate nose and cheeks, and plump, full, lips are the features belonging to the person responsible for that gift.

Because, if said person was the one that actually got him the gift then it would mean that she’s been paying attention to him and picked up on some details that even he didn’t realize he was giving off. That would mean that, maybe, she actually likes him or possibly even closer to what he’s been feeling and this could mean that they could be something like friends or even more…

Crap, he has to get himself together, he grimaced once he realized that his thoughts were straying away from his work yet again and the crotch of his pants were becoming uncomfortably tight. It was ridiculous, unreasonable by all accounts, and he was acting no better than an over-hormonal teenager.

But really, there was no other way to react to the little spitfire that sat just outside his office.

Rey.

She was wearing his favorite colors today, a black dress shirt and a red flared skirt with black pumps. Her make-up was light, which was something he always appreciated about her. Rey never overemphasized make-up and normally just let her own natural beauty shine through. Her hair was pulled up into a bun, which gave him a view of her thin and delectable neck of which he would give anything for an opportunity to taste the skin there, nip at her and leave a mark; coax a moan from her and drive her as insane as she does him. And the _other_ thing that she wore…

 _Shit_ , the pressure in his pants was starting to become unbearable.

Sparing a glance at his door, and thanking himself for having the habit of locking doors behind him, he made to unbutton and pull down the zipper of his slacks, his hand dipping down to the shadows and pull out his cock, his hand gripping it firmly.

He began with slow, teasing, strokes; starting from the base up to the tip and working it back down, his head hitting the back of his office chair while he closed his eyes and imagined a smaller, softer hand in its place. He could see it now, brown eyes glancing up at him in curiosity, gauging him and his reactions while she adjusted her grip and speed to elicit the best reactions from him. Her tongue peeking out to lick her lips while her hands continued to stroke him. She would then move her body up so she can mouth at his neck all the while she continues her attentions on his dick.

God, just that image alone had him at the edge.

“Shit,” he cursed, his body hunched over while as his hand started speeding up on his cock. A shiver ran down his spine and he felt it igniting his nerves. The amount of pre-cum was obscene, and helped to thoroughly lubricate him while he continued his build up, chasing that feeling of release.

“Sir?”

 _Fuck!_ Ben froze, his hand mid-way up his cock. Not now.

_Not now!_

“Uh, Sir I just wanted some input on some of the numbers that came up from the last quarter?”

It was only after she asked the question that he realized that he actually yelled not now at her. Fuck, he was so close. This was the absolute _worst_ time for Rey to want to see him. “I’m busy, Ms. Johnson,” he replied, resuming the near furious stroking pace on his dick.

“But, sir, I need you.”

He groaned at that, his wicked mind warping her words and applying it to an entirely different context. Providing the image of her naked and flushed on his desk, her legs opening and letting him see her glistening cunt while she moaned _‘but, sir, I need you’_

“Later, Johnson!” With a grunt, he reached his peak with a shudder, spurts of cum dripping down his cock or landing on the wooden floor below. He moaned, his hand continuing a slow, lazy stroke while his head hit the back of the headrest with a thump. He heard no further answers from her then, and assumed that she went back to her desk.

Once his hand came to a stop, he spared a glance down at the damage done and his hand reached over to a tissue box on his desk, pulling out a few tissues to begin the clean-up process. His mouth was a thin line while his mind caught up to the reality of his actions. He just got off in his office, to thoughts of his Project Manager, while she was at the other side of his door!

This was becoming too much, something had to be done.

A conversation with Ms. Johnson was in order.

* * *

Rey stood in front of the doors to his office, three hours after the end of her day, looking almost as if she were marching straight into war.

Really, she probably was.

There were no words that could accurately describe the undercurrent of ire that has been simmering within her since this afternoon where he practically yelled at her from within his office.

There was also some hurt mixed in, but she chose to ignore that and focus solely on the anger.

She hadn’t done anything to him to warrant that type of response; she just wanted his input on some numbers she came across for Christ’s sake!

Huffing, she hefted the pile of documents a little closer to herself, being mindful of keeping them balanced, and braced herself for the upcoming petulance that is Ben Solo.

* * *

Despite his earlier conviction that a conversation was in order, it didn’t stop the incessant twitching of his hands and the rapid pulse and beating of his heart that began the moment that she stepped through the doors. And damn whatever god was watching him, because surely they were deriving pleasure from his torment.

Ben swallowed thickly, watching Rey walk up to his desk, the pile of documents pressed against her lifting her tits in a way that could be compared to presenting them on a plate. Ben closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his lips formed a thin line. Concentrate, yes, that’s what he had to do.

“Here’s your paperwork,” she stated irately, dropping the folders unceremoniously on his desk and crossing her arms over her chest, “Can I go now?”

Well, this certainly hadn’t been how he imagined this going. He raked his hand through his hair again and grimaced, “Did you still need help with those numbers you mentioned?”

Her eyes narrowed, “Oh, you mean the numbers I asked about _six hours ago_?! No, thanks, I’m not staying any later because _now_ you deign to give me some of your time.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me!” She threw up her hands in exasperation. She was tired, and _angry_ at his behavior. Rey tried to get along with everyone, even if she didn’t have many friends but she believed in being cordial. But Ben, he is a fucking enigma that she no longer has patience for, her job be damned.

Fighting back the sting of tears, because god she wished that this whole situation between them could be different, she continued her rant, “You’ve been nothing but cold and rude to me since you started here when I don’t think I’ve done anything to you to merit it!” She began to pace back and forth in her anger, “And fine, you were a jerk to everyone so I figured you’re just an ‘equal opportunity asshole’ right? But no! Now, you’re actually being a decent fucking human being to _everyone_ but me. So fine, you don’t like me, that’s fine. I’m not asking you to be my friend, or to walk off into the sunset with me, but the very least you could do is treat me with respect and not yell at me like I’m shit or look at me like I’m some disease.”

His eyes were growing wider and wider with every word but she didn’t notice, too absorbed in her rant. It was cathartic, letting it go and letting him know just what she thought of him.

So Rey continued, “And I tried, I tried to be nice and smile through it. I even saw that you were struggling with sleep and anxiety because you have small tells that I do when you’re in certain situations so when that stupid Secret Santa thing came up and I had your name I figured, ‘hey, I can get something that helps me with that and maybe it’ll help you too!’ So I got you the gift but I’m sure you didn’t even glance at it because it’s from me so of _course_ you’d probably throw it out or something. God, I wish I had never agreed to that stupid party!”

The sound of a chair scooting back is the only indication that Rey had of any movement being made before she found herself right in front of the man himself. “What?!” she snapped.

“You were my Secret Santa?” he asked, an indescribable look in his eyes as they trained on hers.

“Yeah, and?!” she snapped out in reply, her head craning up while she did her best at maintaining her anger even though the effect was slightly diminished due to the height difference.

It took Rey about three seconds for her brain to process three things:

One, she was suddenly no longer in the middle of the office but instead her body was pressed against the wall.

Two, there was a very solid body pressing into hers, keeping her trapped between it and the wall behind her.

Three, _holy shit,_ Ben is kissing her.

Once her brain finally caught up with the situation it was a jumbled up mess of questions of why, and how, and thoughts such as, at _last_.

And then, all brain activity promptly shut down as soon as she felt his tongue.

* * *

Ben reacted before he could even process it in his mind. He sat there, listening to her rant with increasing certainty that it meant that she did not reciprocate his feelings and that he’s probably pushed her away forever and he should really start looking for the literal hole in the ground to jump into…

At least, until she brought up the issue that has been plaguing his mind for three weeks now.

And confirmed his deepest desires.

It was at that moment that he lost the remaining thread of control and found himself stalking up to her, practically shoving her against the wall, caging her with his body, and slamming his lips down to hers.

And here he found out that heaven is soft, plump, and tastes of vanilla.

He groaned, his tongue swiping at her lips, wanting entrance. He felt her body still for a few seconds before she reacted in kind. Her hands shot up and fisted themselves in his suit jacket while her mouth opened to his tongue. He explored her mouth thoroughly and delighted at how her tongue followed his back to his mouth and did its own exploration. Ben’s hands settled themselves on Rey’s hips, tracing circles at the cloth covered flesh for a moment before he lowered them to her upper thighs, tightened his hold, and lifted her up; positioning her body in a way so that his straining erection settled right in-between her legs.

They pulled away from their kiss for air, both of them panting heavily. Rey’s legs immediately wrapped themselves around his hips while he gave an experimental thrust against her, eliciting the most sinful moan he’s ever heard from her.

He finds that he wants to hear it again.

He continues grinding against her, watching the flush bloom across her cheeks and spread down her neck, going below her shirt. Ben peppered kisses along her jaw moving down to suck at a spot in her neck, delighting at the reddening mark there before he looked back into her eyes.

He gave her the most intense stare that she has even seen from him. And in this moment her brain finally clicks in place, remembering all the times that he’s given her this look. It wasn’t a look of cold indifference.

It has always been the exact opposite.

Rey is struggling to breathe with all the sensations and emotions welling within her. All the things that he’s is steadily stoking from within her by both the intense heat of his gaze as well as the near tortuous pace he’s set as he continues to thrust against her covered heat.

She’s wet, embarrassingly so, but Ben manages to up it even more. Rey swears that she’s never felt something this big, at the edge of a precipice that scares her because this feels like it could be bigger than just this moment…

This could be life changing.

“Rey,” She hears him groan, watching in fascination how his face also seems flushed, and she can’t resist the temptation and leans in to kiss him again. This is all consuming, a heat that she’s tried so hard to keep down for years, finally finding its release. It’s intense…it’ll burn her alive.

And Rey is ready to feel its flames.

“Ben” she moans, her arms now around his neck, while she devotes her time to kissing each beauty mark she can find on his face. His thrusts are becoming faster, the friction against her clit drawing small whimpers from her lips.

“Rey, fuck, I” He starts before he lets out a shuddering breath, “tell me you feel this. Tell me you _want_ this.”

“Yes,” she replies breathlessly, no thought put behind her response, “I want this, Ben. I want you.”

She feels him shuddering against her before his claims her lips once more in a bruising kiss. He holds her tightly against him, and hauls her away from the wall, pulling his lips away so he could actually see where he was going. Rey meanwhile occupies her time and lips with kissing a blazing trail along his jawline, moving down to his neck and sucking at the skin there. His fingers tighten their hold at the feel of her teeth scraping against his skin, “You’ll pay for that.” He growls.

She laughs then, the sound light and pure in his ears, “Is that a promise?”

He was going to answer but instead smirked and let go of his hold on her, relishing in the squeak she let out as she landed on his couch. “No fair!” she pouted. Ben shrugged in response, moving to push her down to lay on the couch cushions and settling his body over hers, keeping his weight on his arms that bracketed the sides of her head. His hips settled between hers and he gave an experimental thrust, both of them groaning at the friction it created.

“ _Ben_ ,” Rey moaned, shaking her head.

“What do you want, Rey?” he asked, his face coming down to place open mouthed kisses against her neck.

“I need you.”

“You have me already,” he smiled against her neck, beginning to thrust in a slow, steady rhythm against her.

She groaned in frustration, “No, not like this…”

“Be more specific, Rey.”

“You’re fucking insufferable,” she mumbled, sucking in a sharp breath when he nipped at her jaw.

“I could also be fucking you, but since you seem like you don’t want to...” he made to get up, but Rey was faster, her hands quickly fisting themselves around his black suit jacket and forcing him back down.

She bucked her hips upwards, drawing a hiss from him in return, “Apparently you don’t want to, since you seem to be more interested in talking, so I’ll just go.” With that she pushed him off of her, although she knew it was only because he allowed himself to be pushed. Rey quickly stood up and turned around, making her way to the door. As soon as her hand reached the handle, she heard the sound of his hand slamming against the door and felt a bit of primal satisfaction in knowing that she affected him as much as he affected her.

His other arm snaked around her waist, pulling her back against his own hard body. She shuddered at the feeling his hard length pressing against her ass. “What makes you think we’re done here?” he growled against her ear, giving her a hard thrust that knocked the air from her lungs, “We’re far from finished.”

Oh god, she didn’t think she was into guys being dominant but Ben seemed to be the exception to _all_ her pre-conceived notions of attractiveness.

Damn it.

He chuckled, and it took her a moment to realize that she voiced her thoughts out loud. “Oh this is just the beginning, sweetheart,” he crooned, his hips rolling against her backside. Her face flushed in embarrassment and she tried to bury her face against the wall in an attempt to hide it. A sudden and sharp tug at her hair had her yelp in surprise, looking back and catching his hungry gaze, “No,” he said tersely, almost as if holding himself back, “I want to see you,” he said, moving to spin her around before claiming her lips once more.

Rey couldn’t help the small moan that escaped her lips, feeling a spark of electricity shoot from her lips going all the way down to her toes, igniting her nerves and feeding into a growing heat that was pooling between her legs. In a moment of déjà vu, she found herself being lifted with ease, her legs coming up to wrap around his waist before her world was tilted around, her back coming to rest on top of the plush couch with Ben nestled right in-between her legs. His hands skimmed over her arms, goosebumps blooming in their wake, before settling at the waistband of her skirt, grasping the rumpled fabric of her dress shirt and glancing at her in an unspoken question.

Rey nodded, and let out a surprise squeal as he promptly pulled the shirt out from where it was tucked and proceeded to _pull_ the shirt apart, the sounds of various buttons being popped in the process, “Ben!” she yelled, more in surprise than in anger.

He glanced at her briefly and smirked in response before his hand moves up to cup at her breasts that were still hidden behind her black lacy bra. “Fuck,” he whispers to himself, his eyes staring down at where his hands were gently squeezing at her mounds in wonder, “your tits are fucking perfect.”

Rey whimpers, actually _whimpers_ , under his attentions; marveling at how responsive she was when it wasn’t even skin to skin contact yet. “Ben,” she pleads, wanting more.

“What do you want, Rey” he says, a repeat of his earlier question and Rey simply shook her head, unable to form the words and instead arched her back towards him. Ben tuts in response, giving her nipples a light pinch in response and eliciting a gasp from her, “I need you to tell me, Rey.”

 _Fuck_ , this was hot. This was easily going to top any previous sexual encounters that she’s had, and they didn’t even have sex yet! Her mind was in a lust fueled haze, and she could barely register his words until she felt a harder, more insistent, pinch on her nipples, “God, _fuck_ , please touch me, Ben.”

Ben leans down to nip against her neck with his teeth, before shooting the sting with his tongue, “I already am,” he replies, smiling against her skin.

God, he was _insufferable_ , but two could play at this game. Rey leaned up on her elbows, watching his near black eyes watch her in curiosity. She licked her lips and his eyes honed in on the movement, his pupils dilating even more. Her lips found a spot at the side of his neck and latched on, nipping at it with her teeth before sucking a bruise there, making sure to mark him just as he did her. She felt more than heard the strangled gasp from him, his throat vibrating underneath her lips, and a thrill filled her at the knowledge that she caused him to lose some of his control.

Things became a blur then. She vaguely recalled him pulling off her skirt and panties with practiced ease while she busied herself with taking off her bra. She also remembered unbuttoning his shirt with an excruciatingly slow pace, taking her time to kiss at a new piece of exposed skin with every button undone. She remembered he growled in impatience before taking over, pulling at his shirt with as little regard for it as he did hers, more buttons popping and flying off to land somewhere on the plush carpeted floor. He moved away, to her dismay, to quickly kick off his shoes and pull his pants and boxers down while she busied herself and toed her pumps off, setting them off to the side.

When she glanced back, she inhaled sharply at the sight of him naked before her. She always knew that he was well-built but to see him completely without the barrier of clothing was a holy experience in itself. Broad shoulders, firm muscles, toned thighs, and the hard and very aroused member that laid between them…

_Holy fuck._

He walked back towards her, his cock bobbing with each step. Rey expected him to come between her legs again and start fucking her right away, which was why her eyes widened in shock instead when he maneuvered her to a sitting position and kneeled between her legs. He spared her a brief glance before moving down and giving one long, hard swipe of his tongue against her lower lips. Rey gasped in shock, her back arching at the feeling of him. He groaned, the sound vibrating against her and only fueling her own arousal, her cunt glistening with even more wetness that he only seemed to appreciate, his tongue giving repeated swipes at her opening, circling around it before thrusting his tongue into her. “Oh, _oh,_ ” she cried out, his legs trembling at the sides of his head, barely able to restrain herself from locking his head in-between her legs.

“Shit, Rey, you taste perfect,” he mumbles against her, his tongue moving up to find her clit, drawing slow circles, “so fucking sweet,” he whispers before his lips wrapped around the sensitive bud and sucked, _hard_. Rey screamed in response, and she feels his hands hold her legs down, possibly to prevent her from suffocating him while he _devoured_ her, his lips sucking at her clit in short bursts before flicking his tongue against her nub moving down to circle at her entrance and collect her juices there and moving back up, repeating the cycle all over again.

Rey is shaking, her eyes watering at all the stimulation. She could feel herself moving towards the precipice, her body hypertensive to everything around her. She was close, so _bloody close_ , she just needed one more push…

She came with a scream that vaguely sounded like his name when his pushed a finger into her core at the same time that he sucked against her clit. She felt her walls flutter around the digit, waves of pure bliss washing over her while he occupied himself with licking her juices. She opened her eyes, wondering briefly when she even closed them, just in time to catch him pull his finger out of her and bringing it to his mouth, licking at the wetness that coated it.

“ _Fuck_ Ben,” she panted, still trying to catch her breath, “that was…”

“I know,” he breathed, his chest rising and falling rapidly as if he were the one that just had his damn world turned upside down, “I feel it too.”

Rey lays back down on the couch while he crawls his way back up her body, nestling himself right in-between her legs. “Shit, condoms,” he said, moving to get up before being stopped by Rey’s legs locking themselves around his waist. He glanced back at her, an eyebrow arched in curiosity, “I’m on the pill,” she stated before quickly adding, “and clean. So you don’t need one on my account”

He trembled, “Rey, how are you even real?” he asked, pure adoration and wonder in his gaze, “I’m clean. Fuck, I can’t believe this is happening,” he said, thrusting his length against her core, coating himself in her remaining juices and grazing her clit with each pass.

“Ben, please,” she moaned, shifting her hips upwards in an attempt to get him to just get inside her already.

He groaned above her, continuing the slick slide of his cock against the outer walls of her cunt, “Tell me what you want, Rey.”

Rey let out a small noise of frustration, because he was so _frustrating_. But despite her irritation at his insistence that she yield to him she couldn’t deny the growing wetness between her legs at his commanding tone.

Fuck, he was dominating and she _liked_ it.

So she figures that she could concede at least this once.

Rey sits up from the couch, Ben following her movement and leaning further back on his knees to allow her some space. She eyed her target and moved forward, her tongue peaking up to trace the shell of his ear before she pressed her lips against it to whisper, “I want you to fuck me, Ben. I want you to fuck me fast and hard. I want to feel you come inside me. I want you to give it to me so good that I forget my own name.”

Her words had the intended effect, his solid frame shuddering against hers until he felt a large hand guide her back down. He stared down at her for a brief moment, pure awe and adoration in his eyes before his lips came down upon hers and she felt the push of cock begin to enter her.

She closed her eyes, a hiss of pleasure slipping from her, her back arching at the feeling of his hard length slowly slide inter her. It was a stretch, a beautifully delicious stretch as she felt every inch, every vein against the walls of her pussy. “Open your eyes,” she heard him command and she followed. Her sight meeting his own. His eyes were nearly swallowed in black desire, his jaw clenched as he watched her back. It took Rey a moment to realize that he wanted to see her, see every bit of her reaction as he entered her. “Tell me how it feels,” he grits out.

“It, _ahh_ ,” she moans out when she feels him bottom out, filling every inch of her to near bursting, “so good, _so_ good, Ben.”

“God, fuck,” Ben groans, his head resting against her shoulder, “you’re so tight. Fucking perfect, just like I always dreamed you’d be.”

That statement gave Rey pause, and it seemed like he didn’t mean to let that slip out, his body tensing immediately after the words left his mouth. She immediately moved her arms to wrap around his neck, preventing him from moving away, “You’ve dreamt about this?”

He sighed against her skin, “Every fucking day since the first time I saw you when you ran into me.”

 _That_ long? “But, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Are we really going to have this conversation _now_?” he asked, rolling his hips against her to emphasize his point.

She sucked in a breath, her jaw ticking in determination, “Yes,” because she needed to hear it.

“Who’s the bossy one now?” he lightly teased before his expression became more serious, almost guarded, “I know about all the rumors about me,” he shrugged, “I thought that you wouldn’t want to associate yourself with that. And you’ve never really gave me a sign otherwise.”

Rey opened her mouth, a retort ready until she paused, her mind running through all her interactions with Ben and she realized that he was right. Throughout their time together, she always maintained her professional demeanor, never betraying her inner thoughts about him, never giving him a reason to believe that she was interested in something beyond their rather straight-to-the-point work related discussions. So instead she replied, “Well, I did…I mean, I do. Want to associate myself with you that is.”

He offered her a lopsided smile, “Good to know,” he replied before shifting his hips, slowly pulling out of her and drawing a gasp from them both. Ben pulled out until just the tip of him remained before pushing back in just as slow. Ben continued at that pace, allowing her to adjust to him as well as giving him a chance to regain his composure. Rey could hear the wet slide of his cock going in and out of her cunt and it was already better than her past sexual experiences.

But she wanted _more_. And she knew that he could give her what she craved.

“Faster,” she commanded, raking her fingernails down his back to spur him on.

He took a ragged breath against her, his body stilling for a brief moment and Rey wanted to cry out because… Why. Would. He. Stop?!

But before she could say anything, he thrust back in, hard.

Oh. _God_.

He was moving in a steady rhythm, thrusting into her harder, faster. Ben was practically fucking her into the couch but Rey couldn’t find it within herself to mind.

Quite the opposite, actually.

She mewled her approval, vocally expressing her enthusiasm at feeling his heavy body against her, the slick slide of his cock as it made its way in and out of her wet pussy. The office room was filled with the sounds of their breathing, their moans, and the wet slap of their fucking.

Ben’s hands cupped her face, bringing his head down for a brief kiss before he pulled back and his touch moved downwards, ghosting over her arms, her chest, her stomach, before settling on her his. He tightened his grip and shifted her hips higher, moving her as he continued his thrusts, trying to find that specific spot…

“Ahh!” Rey cried out when the tip of his length brushed against the sensitive patch of nerves inside of her. He held her hips up in that same position, slamming his cock into her faster. The pleasure was slowly rising, and her eyes were beginning to water with the intensity at which he was fucking her.

“Fuck,” he grumbled out, “I need you to come,” he stated, “touch yourself, Rey. Get there.”

She shakily moved her right hand downwards, her index and ring fingers parting the outer walls of her pussy while her middle finger begin to stroke against her still sensitive clit in small, firm circles.

She felt herself clench around him and his answering groan meant that he felt it too. He continued with his dirty talk, with strings of statements such as, “fucking perfect,” and, “it’s like you’re made for me,” and, “your cunt is so tight, so _perfect_.”

She moaned, his words spurring her on, her hand continuing to work at her clit repeatedly, drawing more shaky breaths and mewls as she squirmed against him. Rey chanced a glance down, her eyes fixated on the sight of his pale muscles flexing and quivering with every hard and heavy thrust into her, and the sight of his hard cock repeatedly disappearing into her tight cunt.

“Fuck, Rey, come. Come now.” He gritted out through clenched teeth, giving a particularly hard thrust at the end of it.

His words were the final push that she needed, and Rey cried out as she felt her release, the intensity of it cresting over her as her body trembles and the walls of her cunt clench in pulsing waves around his cock. She feels Ben shudder against her, his thrusts becoming erratic, his grip tightening to the point that she was sure it would leave finger shaped bruises on her hips. He continued to rut into her, thrusting heavily a handful of times before he still and let out a long, “fuck.” Rey felt his heavy cock pulse within her and several spurts of his spend coat her inner walls.

Ben maneuvered them so that he laid on the couch and Rey laid on top of him, both of them still connected down there. They stayed that way for a few minutes, silence filling the room as his hands caressed up and down her back in light strokes. “Oh my god,” she whispered, still feeling the aftereffects of her own climax her skin hypersensitive to his touch.

“I know,” he murmured, “I feel it too.”

Rey moved to rest her chin on top of his chest, watching his half-lidded eyes look back at her with the same intensity as before. “What now?”

“Now?” he rumbled, his voice gravelly from their earlier activities, “now I’m going to take you to my house where I can fuck you properly.”

She shivered at his words, said with confidence and promise, “Mhmm, I wouldn’t mind a repeat performance.”

“Rey.”

She blinked, watching as his jaw ticked and he seemed to consider his words. “This isn’t a one-time thing. Not for me,” he confessed, “I would like to actually date you. Tomorrow, if you’re okay with that.”

Rey noticed with increasing fascination how his confidence seemed to waver, a red blush becoming noticeable at the tips of his ears and realization came upon her with the force of a truck about how nervous he was to open himself up to her.

“Ben.” He paused in his rambling, waiting for her to continue, “I’m more than okay with that.” She replied, planting a soft kiss on his chest, “but I’m curious. Why now? What changed?”

He mumbled something she couldn’t hear and she tilted her head, waiting for him to repeat himself, “your necklace.”

Her brows furrowed in response, her hand coming up to play with the charm that was attached to the thin, delicate gold chain around her neck. “But this was something that I got from…” she paused, her eyes widening as understanding dawned on her, “you were my secret Santa?”

He bit the inside of his cheek, “No,” he admitted quietly, “I had someone else but I already had a gift bought for you so I left it for you.”

Rey blinked at him several times, recalling the moment she peeked into the bags, surprise coloring her gasp when she saw the arrangement of chocolates, her favorites, in one bag. But it was the other bag that really held her attention and shock. It was a fuzzy golden retriever plushy with a small blue box clutched in its snout. She remembered pulling the box out and opening it, her eyes meeting the glint of gold. Within the box there was diamond daisy pendant with golden petals that hung from a thin gold rope chain. She remembered being shocked, because she didn’t remember ever telling everyone that daisies were her favorite flower, but being touched all the same. Because whoever it had been that gave her this, they paid attention to her.

“You?” she asked.

“Me,’ he confirmed.

“How? When?” she asked, “I don’t remember telling anyone about daisies.”

“Your perfume,” he answered easily, “and some of your clothes had daisies on them. Plus, you have a pair of daisy earrings,” he shrugged, “I figured that the necklace would suit you.”

Rey gaped at him for several seconds, “You noticed all of that about me?”

Ben scrunched his eyes in disbelief, “Of course, you’re too beautiful _not_ to notice.”

Rey wasn’t sure how to reply, her own face heating at his words and chose instead to bury herself against his chest, “Well I’m glad the weighted blanket helped your mood out, at least.”

She heard him laugh, the sound completely throwing her off with how open and carefree it sounded, “I admit, it does have its perks. But, I don’t think I’ll be needing it anymore.”

Rey looked back towards him, “What? But why?”

“Because,” he offered a lopsided smile, “I think I found a new weighed blanket that’s even better.”

“Ben,” she cried out in embarrassment, lightly slapping his chest in admonishment.

He continued laughing, and she couldn’t hold back her own laugh, the sound bubbling up from her chest and escaping her mouth. She couldn’t help it; in the span of a day her whole world tilted on its axis. So instead of replying, she moved up to press her lips against his own. The kiss was light, but he deepened it, slotting his lips against her own and nibbling at her bottom lip.

As his hands began to drift down her back to land on the swell of her ass, his grip tightening and his hips shifting against her she can’t find it in her to disagree with his earlier statement.

Because she may have found a better replacement for her weighted blanket as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My muse feeds on comments.
> 
> They are very much loved
> 
> <3


	3. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter! A little deeper dive into the life of Ben Solo and some nice tooth rotting fluff at the end!

“How could you do this to us, Ben?!”

“How could you betray your mother and me?!”

Chocolate eyes narrowed in fury, because _of course_ they wouldn’t understand him. How was he ever expected to grow if he remained under their shadow? How could he prove himself to be beyond ‘the son of the great,’ Leia Organa and Han Solo? No matter how hard he worked, how much he climbed, the hole seemed to bring him down deeper.

No.

He would not have his accomplishment be attributed to his family line. He had earned his place, he worked tirelessly, and he refused his parents charity. All to prove it to the world, to _himself_ , that he was worth more than what he was labeled; more than his family blood.

“If you fail to see why I do what I do then its best we end this conversation here. Then again, when have you ever listened?” he replied, his tone low and laced in venom.

His words had the intended effect, Leia and Han flinching at his clear barb towards them. Of course, how could they understand when they’ve never tried? They hadn’t given him the attention a child craved, always too busy, always doing more _important_ things.

No.

The thoughts echo in his mind as he sharply turns on his heel and makes his way out of the grand entrance of their opulent home.

He won’t be returning again.

* * *

It’s never enough.

His grip on his pen tightens, the plastic making a disconcerting cracking sound under the pressure, but he couldn’t care less. Anger courses through his veins and it’s good. It’s what fuels him. It motivates him to do better, to work _harder_.

Just as his mentor demanded.

Snoke had been the only one to offer him a place when everyone else only saw him for his name, the _prestige_ of his ancestry. Snoke had been the only one to push him to his limits, and the results show. He’s been able to make hostile takeovers of rival companies look like child’s play. Him. Not as Ben Solo.

But as Kylo Ren.

He was well-known. Hated. Feared. Successful beyond his wildest dreams. He should be happy. He _should_. But he’s not.

He can _hear_ the snickering of that wispy and weak red-headed bastard just outside his door. Clearly taunting him, wanting a reaction. But for everything Kylo could be, he would not ever allow that ginger fuck to make him lose control. No, he would be better. He would not allow Snoke to continue to see him as a disappointment. The pen snapped in his hand, the sound loud in the office room. He would prove him all wrong. It’s never enough.

He will make it enough.

* * *

The phone call had been the most surreal and jarring experience of his life.

He frantically ran down the corridor, his white shirt rumbled and half tucked into his black slacks, his leather dress shoes thudding loudly in the white nondescript hallway. He was practically barreling straight into, and knocking over several staff and visitors in his wake, but he could care less.

Skidding to a stop in front of the specific room, the number 325 clearly marked on the wall next to the door, he took a shaky breath and turned the knob, opening the door and his nose meeting the smell of even more disinfectants and that distinct hospital-like smell than what was present in the hallway. His hands were shaking at his sides as he took the first few tentative steps in, a steady beeping sound of the heart monitor the only noise in the small room. A curtain was drawn, covering the bed that was set in the middle of the room.

His heart was pounding heavily against his chest as he drew closer, a mixture of fear and anxiety developing within his stomach. Oh god, he was nauseous. What would he do? What would be said? Would he even be welcomed?

Slowly, his hand came up, grasping the curtain and pulling to reveal the patient that was soundly asleep on the bed, chest rising and falling slowly. He had aged so much in only 5 years, it seemed as if a decade had passed him. His dark hair was now overtaken by grey, deep lines marred his face, worry lines. He seemed almost fragile, like one wrong move could completely shatter him. But despite the drastic change in his appearance, he could still recognize him anywhere.

“Ben.”

Ben’s head whipped over to the door to see a petite woman stand at the doorway. She, too, seemed to have aged decades although she still carried a certain regal grace with her. Her hair was also grayed, worry lines faint on her face and her eyes carried a heavy burden within them.

Ben remained frozen, his body warring between fight or flight, his brain failing to come up with a response, a word, _something_.

Small arms encircling him jarred him from his thoughts, the hug followed by the shaking and sounds of sobs escaping the older woman.

“ _Ben_ ,” she whispered again, the sound of her voice cracked and broken.

Just as he had been.

His arms moved of their own accord, wrapping around the older woman and holding her with a gentleness that he hadn’t known he was capable of. His eyes stung and it took a moment for him to realize that he was crying too.

“Kiddo?”

Both mother and son turned towards the previously sleeping patient in the bed, his eyes now blinking rapidly to chase away the lingering sleepiness. He turned his head slowly in their direction, offering a small smile at them. “Hey kid. It’s been a while.”

He disentangled himself from the woman, moving towards the older man, unsure of what to say once again.

And once again the other person spoke first, “We missed you, Ben.” His hand, the only not currently connected by a dozen wires to a myriad of machines, reach out towards him, “Come home. Please.”

His cheeks were wet with tears. Were Snoke to see him now he would tut and sneer about how week he looked, how he wasn’t fit to carry on in his name. How he would always be less than. Below expectations. Not good enough. Never good enough.

Fuck it.

Fuck Kylo Ren.

Fuck Snoke.

Ben reached out, his hands clasping the older mans. He took a shaky breath, his decision made and what felt like an impossible weight on his shoulders slipping off as he opened his mouth to reply,

“I’m home, dad.”

* * *

The music was too loud and the voices grating his ears. The lights were too bright, hurting his eyes as he tried to make himself as unseen as possible in the corner.

It has only been two months since he walked away from it all. From his reputation as Kylo Ren, from his position within the First Order. Three months walking freer of burden.

Not completely free, shadows tend to persist, after all.

But the therapy has been helping and he’s been making some progress with recognizing his triggers and connecting them to his past experiences and is working on changing his responses. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless.

However, not even intensive therapy would get him to lift his mood at this party. Those that noticed him avoided him like the plague and with good reason. When he started working in his mother’s company, Ben had quickly built up his reputation as a strict and no nonsense boss. As CFO, he held high demands and standards and those that couldn’t make it were simply cut out of his team. He had no patience for incompetency. His efficiency though came at the cost of his approachability and it was at times like this where he really felt like he was alone, which definitely did not help his mental health.

The feeling of a small body bumping into his brought him out of his internal thoughts to turn and scowl down at the person who would rudely knock into him. Only for his breath to be sucked from his lungs in an instant.

It’s her.

The girl he’s heard so much about. Not so much a girl though, his mind clarified, she was definitely a woman. Small, delicate, with soft curves and full lips. Wavy brown hair that fell down to her shoulders. A smattering of freckles across her face that had him briefly wonder if they extended down her body. Deep hazel eyes that he could lose himself in _for days_.

Rey.

He had only recently met her. She’s been with the company for six months now, working under Leia as an intern. Although she was only supposed to support Leia with some menial tasks, for some godforsaken reason, Leia would send her off to assist _him_ with some of his tasks. She said it was ‘skill building’ for Rey, as she developed and strengthened her knowledge and skills with finances; but he would be a fool to fully trust that it was just that.

Clearly, his mother was terrible at being subtle.

Though he couldn’t bring himself to reproach his mother, especially when he _enjoyed_ seeing Rey near him. Too bad that she never appeared to be interested in him

The feeling of a small hand grasping his arm had him revert his attention back to the girl still leaning against his body. Her head pressed up against his biceps. Jesus, she was small compared to him. A slight shiver ran down his spine, even though the room itself was heated.

“Rey,” he gently prodded, trying to extricate himself from a very inebriated Rey.

“Mhmmph,” she grunted, burrowing herself further into his arm.

“Rey,” she said, firmer this time.

“Mmm-noooo,” she whined softly, almost impossible to hear with the chaos that surrounded them, “S’warm.”

Ben groaned, knowing that she wasn’t thinking clearly but his body of a different opinion. He had to get her away, back to her friends, and he had to leave as soon as possible.

“Let’s go back to Finn, Rey,” he gently instructed, placing his hand mid-back and refusing to think about how his hand easily spanned across her whole back.

“Omly if I can shtay with yooou,” she replied, snuggling _even closer_ to him, “Did I tell you t-that,” she hiccupped, the sound utterly adorable to his ears, “I think you’re hot?”

Ben swallowed, willing to any and every deity listening in that he just. Stop. Reacting. To. Her!

Instead he let out a non-committal grunt in reply. His hand gently pushed against her back, leading her back out towards the crowd.

She continued to mumble against his arm, and he continued to ignore it, trying to stop the frantic beating of his heart. He felt her arm tugging on his sleeve and, against his better judgement, he glanced down at her, his lips a thin line, “What is it, Rey?”

She was pouting up at him, and if that wasn’t sight to stir something strange within him, “I’m tired of waiting on you,” she complained.

“Waiting on me for what, Rey?”

“To ask me out.”

Ben choked at her response, clearing his throat multiple times to salvage at least of shred of his dignity, “Rey, I think you’re drunk. You don’t know who you’re talking to”

“Maybe, but I can still see jusht fine!” she exclaimed loudly, offering a brilliant smile at him.

He glanced away, sure that she was too far gone to realize _who_ she’s actually talking to, despite her assurance otherwise .

“Rey!”

Ben turned to scowl at the new intruder, Finn, his mind supplied.

Finn stopped in his tracks, glancing nervously towards Ben before gently grasping Rey’s arm, “Come on, peanut. I think it’s time to cut you off.”

She tried to shake him off, “N-nooooooo, I wanna shtay here with him,” she whined.

Finn became firmer with his actions, able to extricate Rey from Ben. His hands itched to reach out to her, grasp her hands and pull her back to his side, but he held fast; watching as Finn pulled her further into the crowded room, until she was completely out of his sight once more.

His mind wandered, against his better judgement, and he wondered what it would be like if she truly felt _that way_ towards him. But no, despite him being better, trying harder, he could never hope to catch her eye.

_“—en...”_

No, she was perfection, and he should be content to simply bask in her close proximity whenever possible. Because while he knew that she could never like him, he was still a selfish man, and he would greedily take in any moment with her that he could.

_“Be—, --ake up.”_

But he still wanted _more_. He wanted to hear her laugh, see her smile, on his bed, above him, below him. Every part of her, from her fiery temper to her heavenly laugh; he wanted it _all_.

But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

Because he wasn’t enough. Could never be—

“ _BEN!”_

* * *

Ben jolted awake, his limbs twitching and his eyes flying open, blinking several times to adjust to the single stream of light that filtered in from the curtains from the left that were open _just a smidge_. He only barely registered the small squeal and the sudden absence of warmth, followed by a very loud thud.

“ _Oww!_ ”

He leaned over and looked at the side of the bed, where a very petite brunette was rubbing at her plump derriere, “Jesus, Ben!”

He quickly jumped to his feet, making his way over to her and extending his hand out, which she took with a thankful expression, before pulling her to her feet and wrapping his arms around her, “Sorry,” he mumbled, planting a soft kiss to the top of her head.

“Same dream?”

“Yes,” he answered honestly, knowing that he didn’t need to elaborate further. They had already had this talk before, and he already told her of his sordid past, just as she once divulged her own demons to him. There were no secrets left between them, and she had been instrumental to helping him make the tremendous amount of progress that he has since they first decided to make their relationship official.

But some of the shadows still remained.

A soft kiss on his chest had him glance down, watching her watch him while she brings up her left hand to caress his cheek, “It’s only a dream. It’s okay.”

He moved his hand to the side to kiss the palm of her hand, smiling as he does so, “Yeah.”

“Want to head back to bed?”

He nodded, settling down on top of the bed. He watched her shuffle to one of the closets and rummage through the items there, pulling out a familiar gray fabric and bringing it towards him. Rey shook the item several times before settling it over him, leaving her side pulled back so she could lay down on her side, shuffle herself as close to him as possible, before pulling the covers and familiar blanket over herself as well.

At his questioning gaze, she merely shrugged and replied, “I feel cold.”

His heart swelled at her thoughtfulness, and how she so readily knew what he needed without even asking. Her left hand that rested on his chest peeked out from beneath the covers, and he caught the briefest sparkle. Without thinking, his hand went over to grasp hers bringing her hands up to plant a kiss on her ring finger, right on top of the small diamond ring that rested comfortably on her finger.

As she heard her sigh contentedly and snuggle to his side, her breaths evening out in sleep, he allowed his mind to wander.

He could scarcely believe that it has already been just over a year since that fateful night in his office, just weeks after he popped the question during a small gathering of friends and family and seeing her watery smile as she squeaked a cute ‘yes’ in response.

It has been a long journey of growth and healing for them both. Supporting each other during every small step of the way. It wasn’t easy, there had been disagreements and arguments that they have had to work though. Their personalities at times rigid and refusing to compromise to the other. But despite all of the lows they were able to work through every moment, and grow from it.

As sleep begin to overtake him once again, he could help but chuckle when his eyes caught the sight of the weighted blanket that covered both of them.

 _Maybe_ that blanket wasn’t so bad after all.

In fact, it might be his second most favorite gift yet.

His first favorite being the small girl just beside him.

And as his eyes closed and his breath began to even out, the last thought that ran through his mind before sleep claimed him was that maybe, _just maybe_ , he liked Secret Santa just a little more now.

Just a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it! I really hope you all enjoyed this journey with me!
> 
> Please leave a comment, my muse feeds from them <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hi.
> 
> Yes I know, I'm complete trash..
> 
> I regret nothing.
> 
> Comments are very loved <3


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